Well, hello there! If you are a return reader from week 1 you either have a lot of time on your hands or really fucked up your bets and are out of options, either way I am glad to have you. Let’s get into the most important stats from a completely average gambling weekend. Two containers of Zyns, 20 seltzers, three door dash orders. On Sunday alone I spoke under 100 words to my wife and recorded under 600 steps on my Apple Watch. Like my picks record not the best not the worst, but I will be better .
Week 1 roundup
It was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. Opening night we covered by a toe. I told you Lamar sucks in crunch time, homeboy had multiple shots to win the game and could not close. Friday night it’s safe to say I put way too much stock in Jordan Love. If the game was played on normal grass instead of this soccer field the packers would have covered. ( probably not but it is my blog and I’m gonna tell myself that) If you haven’t noticed we’re a big grass blog. But seriously enough of the overseas games if people wanna see a game stream redzone from your phone like the rest of us. The 1pm games were massive with the pats hitting ( told you burrow sucks week 1😎) then the Steelers with Justin Fields pulled off an absolute stunner, just imagine how much more they would have won by if Russ played. I was feeling like the king of the world then we got to the late games, and I went colder than Jack Dawson in the ocean waiting for Rose to move her ass and save me. She never moved and I got fucked, turns out the cowboys are not great on grass ( I’m all in on this) and the browns are even worse. Then had my heart ripped out by the lions in the OT loss. The good news is week 1 is the toughest week of the year and I got through it even. Now I’m ready to make some fucking noise this week. So let’s look at week 2 and how I am gonna pay for family’s trip to Disney or have to cancel it
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Dolphins -2.5 vs BILLS
It is not too often you’re gonna get the bills as a dog. You need to hammer bills Moneyline maybe even sprinkle the alternate line -6.5. Week 1 confirmed Josh Allen is still very tall and very elite and is on pace to throw 0 ints this season .
Pick: BILLS moneyline ( throw multiple units on this )
Ravens -9.5 vs RAIDERS
Home opener for the Raiders, vibes are gonna be electric and minshews hair and mustache are way too on point to be spotting 9.5. Raiders D was flying around last sunday they will make it ugly and frankly it’s just too much fun to fade Lamar when he made me money the week before.
Pick: RAIDERS +9.5
49ERS -6.5 vs Vikings
Normally I love a good quarterback revenge game, but it’s Sam Darnold against the 49ers. This is the Karate Kid, Darnold is Daniel LaRusso the 49ers are Johnny Lawrence, yes, I do not give a shit that Daniel won, the crane kick was illegal we all know Johnny was the man. 49ers are already running on all cylinders this is easy money
Pick: 49ers -6.5
Cardinals -1.5 vs RAMS
I have not had a man crush like this since I watched Glen Powell in twisters ( last week) i do not even care that they’re gonna be out both tackles this week. Matthew is slinging the pill like a kid. Stafford vs Kyler lololololol what are we doing here ?
Pick: +1.5 Rams
Chiefs -5.5 vs BENGALS
That is right for the 5th time in his last 6 games I am fading Mahomes. If there is one man who can snap this heater he is on it is Joe Burrow. You might say to yourself “ isn’t Burrow 1-8 in weeks 1 & 2 in his career?) and you would be right, but I have got a hunch he is due
Pick: Bengals +5.5
Texans -6.5 vs BEARS
Texans -6.5 vs BEARS
You think I am gonna trust my money with a guy who dresses like this? Texans Defense also let up 200+ yards on 9 completions, it takes some real commitment to blown coverage to do that. No chance Caleb can be as bad as he was last week ( maybe)
Pick: Bears +6.5
Those are your week 2 picks that are either gonna make us some money or bury us, but there will be no breaking even this week. Talk to you next week and happy gambling
TAKE THE POINTZ 